Sex and spiritual union

Sex may be a biological function, but it also creates a feeling of union, of merging. The energies of two individuated beings come together – there is a momentary feeling of bliss in this union. The biological sex drive is probably more psychological than anything else – how much does a person crave the kind of intimacy which lets them feel at one with another person? Some people are very balanced and don’t need it much. Others are repressed and need it so much that their desires become perverted with desperation.

Sex is supposed to be a doorway into the spiritual, but in our world it is rarely more than the urge to satisfy a need. We have created a sexually repressed society. John Milton described Adam and Eve having plenty of sex in Eden, before the Fall. There was no guilt or shame, just spiritual union through the physical body. After the Fall, they became so conscious of each other’s bodies that they lost sight of the soul. They still wanted that intimacy but they didn’t know how to reach it. They tried various things, but nothing worked because the vision had been lost.I don’t believe in any particular religious doctrine, but I do think that we are living in a time where our vision has been lost. This is affecting every area of our lives, including relationships and sex. At some point, I hope, we will awaken to our true selves.


Yogis do not practise abstinence in order to punish themselves for no reason (sounds obvious but some people do believe this). For some, it seems ridiculous to deprive the body of something it enjoys, like food or sex. So, why is fasting or celibacy important to a dedicated yogi? Only because of the self-discipline and transcendental vision they facilitate.

Before going any further into this, I’d like to make clear that I am not a strict yogi. I practise yoga as and when necessary because it has health benefits for the mind, body and soul. I lead a relativity ‘normal’ life, although try to practise moderation, balance and purity (selflessness) of mind.

However, I can see the power that abstinence can give IF it is practised with TRUE belief and choice. To leave all the hankerings of the flesh and go deep within one’s self, overpower the small mind which chases after temporary pleasures and give one’s self the space and time to be one with the greater mind. If this is something that can happen naturally in a person’s life, then surely it represents a level of contentment within that person.

The confusion of sexual relationships…

Our species has a real problem with sexual relationships. Other animals seem not to have this issue. They just do it with whomever they want and they deal with the consequences however they like; they go with instinct and their instincts more or less follow the pattern of nature.

But we, on the other hand, have this thing called a ‘developed’ mind, which creates all kinds of issues. For instance, attraction is instinctive, but there are so many considerations that we can’t follow through with just instinct. If you are committed, you STILL get attracted to other people but you pretend not to. You try not to act on it. This is because our society needs stable units (couples, family) for order. That’s why we’ve created a sense of possessiveness over our partners and religions with crazy commandments. So, that’s probably why 50% of couples have affairs and the divorce rate is rising (you have to hide your instincts, but you can’t hide your affair forever). Those people who are NOT having affairs are probably past being repressed and have reached a state of true contentment; these people are few and far between.

It’s really a lot to do with sex. We love sex because we love feeling desired and forgetting our limited realities. There’s nothing wrong with that unless it becomes an addiction. It’s ok if we do it, but we can’t tolerate our partners being attracted to someone else. This is pure ego; our little self feels threatened. Also, we need to keep a false sense of order in society by thinking that ‘free sex’ will result in STDs spreading like wildfire; this is an important consideration, but will making things TABOO actually stop them happening? More likely, those instincts will STILL manifest but in a worse way, because they happen out of desperation and guilt. In a society of open education and informed freedom with regard to sexual relations, there are likely to be fewer negative consequences.

So, I think we should all just chill out about sexual relationships, be honest, open and informed. Two consenting adults who engage in a relationship that is non-possessive are more likely to be independent and fulfilled rather than desperate and needy.