Childhood and adulthood

It makes me vulnerable to tell this story, but I guess vulnerability is essential to our human nature and there’s too much time wasted in hiding it. If I had to tell one major story, it would have to be about my mother. She is one of the most maternal, caring, self-sacrificing people I have ever known. As a compassionate person, and because her family were quite poor, she decided to work hard and go into Medicine. To be a female doctor where she came from was not a small achievement. But at the same time, she had two children. She married into a Medical family too, so she was expected to succeed in her career. Now, the point where I entered, she was already trying to marry the domestic and the professional aspects of her life. When she was in India, offered the chance to study and work in the UK, I was only two, and my sister was seven. Under a sense of duty, she was encouraged to leave me with my Nani, my maternal grandmother. I cannot complain about how my Nani was towards me: I was totally loved and cared for. But something about this has left its mark on me: I didn’t know my father because he left the country to better his career when I was born, and soon I would not know my mother too well either. Gradually, my mother became a stranger. When I turned five and could start school, I was brought to the UK, but this was now very hard for me because I thought of my grandparents as my carers. Also, as my sister and I grew up, we had to deal with my parents’ very unsettled careers that involved babysitters, moving around and periods left with different relatives.

That gap of not knowing my parents has never really closed. Certainly, to know someone as an infant is very different than knowing them later on. Infants have no judgement. I hardly remember my parents that way. I mainly remember their strange features, not really associating them as my own tribe. Then, I had to also adjust to a new culture in the UK, so I felt even more alone with no one around that knew me, spoke my alien language, someone who would be a real friend. Except, thankfully, there was my sister. Dealing with her own issues, but at least she was there.

All this has impressed on my memory a feeling of grief and sorrow. I don’t know if it is mine or my mother’s sorrow at the choices she had to make. More than anything, this affects me now in my relationship with my children. As early as I could remember, I had the strong desire to form a bond with my children where I would always be involved with their lives. But, knowing the fragility of the human experience, it also became a fear that, what if I can’t achieve this? And in this grappling, there has had to be a huge letting-go, that I can’t control what experiences are meant for my children. Just as I couldn’t control what experiences shaped my own childhood. And in that realisation, there is certainly a grief at how everything seems so vulnerable, but also a search for something enduring. Surely, love endures the human fragility and shows its power within and beyond our human limitations.

The ideal lover

Most people search for an ideal lover, some people feel they have found perfect love, and others realise, after falling in love, that their partners are not as ‘perfect’ as they thought they were. Perfection means someone who meets your ideals on every level and never lets you down. It’s a very high standard for any human being to live up to.

As much as we may connect with our soul-mates, sooner or later we will see that they cannot meet our expectations all the time. As love deepens, we learn to accept our partners’ essential humanity – that which makes them imperfect. Yes, we are all imperfect, otherwise we would not be here on Earth. We all have things to work on, in varying degrees.

So, why do we even search for an ideal love if it does not exist? The truth is that it does exist! Perfect, complete, unconditional love, which gives us exactly what we NEED on the soul level, exists. It is the love of God. Only God can give you this kind of selfless love, because the body and personality of man is built around a false sense of ego (especially in the current age of earthly development). The ego makes us selfish, and it is very difficult to separate from it because we are trapped in various roles.

But humanity strives to imitate God because it is God trying to realise himself in every way possible. So, from separation (ignorance of our true nature), we will travel back to union (reconnecting with our essence). There will be a time of renewal on Earth, and we will again become capable of loving each other the way God loves us.

In the meantime, the greatest thing we can do is TRY to love each other the way God loves us. But this is only possible if we feel and know the love of God. Making contact with the divine spirit is the first step along this long path of ‘homecoming’, coming back to our true spiritual identities. For me, it took a long time to feel the presence of God. But once I felt it, it was like the most powerful, beautiful energy; I could not deny it.

You may have felt a breathtaking energy when you enter a quiet place of worship, or see a sight of natural beauty. These are God’s expressions. To feel it everyday, we need to listen for it. We need to open our hearts in prayer (just talking to God with the faith that someone is listening); we need to meditate to hear God’s voice in the silence of our minds. Once the contact is made, a dialogue begins – the most enriching, loving dialogue you could engage in.

The divine force is already trying to communicate with you in so many ways…

Who are you, REALLY?

Are you a man, woman, black, white, accountant, lawyer, wife, etc. etc.?

No. You are not any of those things, essentially. You’re just playing the part for a period of time.

Are you alone, isolated, separate from everyone else?

No. You affect everyone and everything that comes into contact with you. You affect the energy of this beautiful planet through your thoughts, words and actions.

It’s so hard to see this from our human eyes. Even though we spend each night sleeping, leaving the physical body at times whilst our souls explore the world beyond, we forget all of that and dismiss it in the morning. Some people travel out of body, or have a near-death experience, or they have deep telepathic insights, but we keep ignoring all these messages, dismissing them as hallucination or irrationality. What is more irrational is the way we humans are living on this earth right now. Just eating, sleeping, working, doing things mindlessly without any awareness or care. Is this the reason we came to this earth? To take a few breaths, go through the motions, and then just leave this place?

No. We came here to experience something amazing and something beautiful.

Is your life amazing right now? I don’t mean it in terms of what you do, I mean in terms of how you feel. We came here to feel something incredible, possible only on this Mother Earth. If we do not feel wonderful despite having everything, then we cannot blame anyone but ourselves. This means we have a choice to reconnect with our original vision and purpose: it’s a matter of free will.

The vital energy, the most powerful transforming energy which can change despair into bliss is love. Love is the energy which binds all of creation on the spiritual level. It starts from love for one’s self, goes out to touch the planet as love for every other creature (whatever phase of growth or ignorance a life form may be at, it has the potential to be great), and it becomes the nurturing energy of God which sustains the health of our planet, of Gaia.

If you feel out of touch with the rhythm of nature and the potential goodness of life, its unseen magical power to nurture you, heal you, sustain you, then read some accounts of near death experiences. It will remind you of something familiar seating in your soul. Visit this site.

Don’t lose the magic

We create reality on so many levels, but how can we know what is actually real? Are our thoughts, perceptions, feelings, intuitions actually real? If we can see something, taste it, smell it, touch it, hear it, does that mean it’s real? What if what we can see or hear cannot be seen or heard by others? Usually we define reality through collective perception, but what if the collective cannot perceive something which we perceive very strongly – are they blind or are we mad? We give validity to collective opinion, but is this correct?

I think that it is necessary to rely on the collective to define everyday reality because the collective is what keeps society going. But I think that this is something we need to do for convenience, not something which defines reality. I don’t believe in reality, or to put it another way, I believe in multiple realities. I believe that reality and illusion are not opposites, they are part of the same system which creates experiences. These experiences are relative and they come from personal perception. For instance, when we are children our parents look very big to us, but once we grow they look much smaller. Our perception changes according to our relative position. Sometimes we take collective reality so much for granted that we STOP QUESTIONING. We think ‘that’s just the way things are’. We lose the magic of being alive. We forget that reality is elusive and personal, not rigid and enforced. We lose our imagination, our freedom.

This is a very sad fact. Sometimes it takes a visionary to remind us of our magical life, to show us that we are capable of creating wonderful dreams and transforming them into everyday ‘reality’. Such visionaries have a versatile mind which can see beyond limited ways of understanding reality. They see beyond relative reality in order to search for something enduring, something ABSOLUTE, something which never changes. And sometimes, they find that absolute reality, and they spread the word about something wonderful which connects us all in a bond of enduring love.  But we take that message and often do not understand how to appreciate the wonder of it. We feel the power of God’s message in the messenger’s words, but we don’t know how to keep it alive in our everyday worlds, so we create a system for that message, we make a religion, we make a doctrine. In trying to solidify the message of God, we make it into something rigid, which is exactly what the messenger was trying to free us from. We create commandments and we say that the messenger gave us these ‘rules’ to follow. We become followers, when the messenger wanted us to be the leaders of our own wondrous reality. And that’s when the magic is lost.

Unconditional love

Unconditional love means to love someone regardless of their actions, words or behaviour. You love them no matter what. Usually we love people based on qualities they display or what they give us. We become strongly attached to people for various reasons and we call that love.

I think that saints (very deeply spiritual people who have come close to God) have the ability to see God in everyone. They can practise universal unconditional love. But for the ordinary human being, unconditional love is also possible. This type of unconditional love is not universally applied because we cannot see that deeply. It is a specific, contextualised love which comes from knowing a person through and through. We develop unconditional love for someone whom we feel very closely connected to.

It’s the way a mother feels towards her child. A couple may reach this place of unconditional love over time. This type of genuine, accepting, forgiving, embracing love is totally contrary to the illusionary romantic love we see in films. That kind of love is more about the ego, or what we want to get from another person. Unconditional love is selfless, but still strong and assertive. It reaches out to the other person. It has courage, stability and faith. Even if someone thinks that they are ‘unworthy’ of love for various things they have done, crimes they may have committed, through the eyes of unconditional love, that person has the ability to redeem themselves.

Taking a step back

Gautama Siddhartha was clearly an extremely intelligent man. But his intelligence came from an observation of very simple things, those very things that we take for granted or dismiss. How much do we recognise the fundamental facts upon which the Buddha based all of his teachings? The Buddha based his teachings on his observation of life, decay and death. He said that all of life is ‘dukkha’, which means restlessness (not really suffering, more fluctuation). He said that by being awake to this fact, a person can still their mind, detach from fluctuations, and reach a state of total freedom from karma (the state known as nirvana). After this, a person would be liberated from reincarnation (they would achieve moksha). He did not mention the role of God in all this, or how the universe came to be. He very wisely detached himself from metaphysical conjecture, explaining that the truth can only be felt, not logically understood or explained.

I often compare the teachings of great sages in order to find the common thread of meaning running through each of their philosophies. Jesus Christ spoke the scripture of love – ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’ and, instead of the Old Testament’s ‘eye for an eye’, learn to ‘turn the other cheek’… In the Gita, Lord Krishna tells Arjun to see all things as equal: pleasure, pain, life, death…

What is the common thread? The stories are very different, and the focus keeps shifting. But overall, it seems like they are all saying that we should take a step back from the drama of life and see how everything is actually linked. Everything that appears foreign, contradictory, separate, is all actually made from the same energy, like intricately woven tapestry. Your enemy is not your opposition, he is your brother; pain and pleasure are not separate, they are linked. The only way you can see this, know it and really feel it is if you take a step back. Look at the whole picture. When you are amidst chaos, go up onto the roof of a tall building and look down. You will see an interdependent web of life. Your perspective changes when you zoom out of the drama.

If you are reading this blog, then you are probably already aware of how interdependent we are, but clearly the world at large is not aware of this. Otherwise, we would not sabotage each other’s countries, beliefs, cultures. We get so wrapped up in our own drama that we begin to think only our experience is authentic or valid. But our experience is nothing without the contribution of countless others. How can we detach from ourselves enough to really appreciate the magnanimous beauty of life, of ‘interdependent arising’? We could try doing what Gandhi did… ‘Every night when I go to sleep, I die. And in the morning when I awake, I am reborn.’

Love the little bird on your shoulder

According to Zen Buddhism, there is a little bird on each of our shoulders. It reminds us of the coming of death. It tells us that death is inevitable, and unpredictable. This could be the last day of life as we know it. The purpose of this imaginary companion, the bird on our shoulders, is to make sure we NEVER lose sight of death.

Most people think death equals loss, sorrow, ending. That’s probably why we do our best to ignore the most inevitable fact of our lives: the fact that we will, without a doubt, face physical death sooner or later. But how many of us are living with this awareness? On one level we behave as though we will live forever, putting off the things that matter: love, peace, creativity, joy. We think we have plenty of time to find those things. On the other hand, we chase temporary things like they are running out, such as cars, clothes, shoes, bigger houses. We know that we won’t be able to take those things with us when we have to leave this life, yet those are the things that occupy us. All because we have forgotten about the fact of death. We ignore the elderly, thinking they are of no use, when they are the people who have the most knowledge in our society, because they have seen the most life. Our society is so caught up with temporary success, which is obvious to the eye, that we dismiss eternal success, which exists within and acts as our saving grace in moments of crisis.

So, today I am going to make a vow to myself to remember death whilst being alive. To love fully, show my gratitude and appreciation for the life I have, and to share as much joy as possible in the time I have. I don’t believe that death will be the end – I believe it will be the beginning…of something else. Yet, I will miss the life I have now, and I will miss the people I have loved until the time I see them again, perhaps in a different life. The only thing that will help me let go and detach from this life is if I know that I lived it to the full, and shared with the people around me. I won’t be thinking about the shoes I just bought; I won’t give a damn about those. I’ll see the faces of my dear ones, and I’ll be thankful for the time I had with them, because that time was not misspent.

More than anything else, life is about relationships. Learning from each other and sharing. Community and companionship. As much as I enjoy my time alone – thinking, writing, reading, contemplating – it can never be a substitute for what I experience in the presence of love, friendship, caring, conversation and laughter. Those are the things I want to dedicate myself to before my time comes.

So, why not thank the little bird for another day? Even though I don’t understand exactly how this world works, even though I sometimes find it overwhelming and crazy, I am still glad to be alive. All because of love.

Treat your life like a lover…

Embrace it, approve of it, adore it, accept it.  Find inspiration in your life, the way you find inspiration in the eyes of your beloved. Treat it with reverence and respect it.

Don’t throw it away, don’t abuse it, don’t waste it or neglect it.

Dedicate yourself to it. And when you have begun to truly love your life, then offer it as a service to the world so that everyone else can be as happy as you are.

We are all responsible for the way our world is today. One-off gestures don’t make a difference; we have to change our attitudes. The transformation must begin at the individual level, and filter out like a ripple across a lake. Serve the world with love and knowledge; it’s our responsibility to uplift ourselves and our world.

Buying into sorrow

I don’t watch a lot of TV. Every once in a while, when I tune into ‘what’s on’, I am strangely drawn to the genre now popularly referred to as ‘reality television’. I can’t explain why I find this genre interesting (programs like ‘Big Brother’ or ‘Spendaholics’ don’t really seem to have much of a story-line); I guess I watch them because I want to fully understand our own society. Human nature is a curious thing. I also enjoy watching documentaries, but whilst documentaries are logical, informative and carefully structured, reality shows tend to be unstructured and somewhat spontaneous.

The themes of most reality shows focus on obsessions, materialism or image concerns. ‘Wifeswap’ is one which looks at lifestyles and beliefs. Most of these programs highlight the neuroses of our culture, and by bringing it to our attention, they really emphasise the kind of beliefs we are buying into. Beliefs influence thoughts (attitudes), words, actions, and hence contribute to the way our society is. We are buying into ideas which make us feel unhappy. The statements below express some of these poisonous ideas:

-“I simply have to have those new shoes.”

-“If I don’t buy my kids everything they want, then they’ll think I don’t love them.”

-“I want to make my face look like Halle Berry’s / Gwyneth Paltro’s / Brad Pitt’s.”

-“When I’m skinny then I’ll be happy.”

These statements endorse the idea that a person needs something external in order to achieve something internally. But it works THE OTHER WAY. When you achieve the right things internally, it benefits you externally, too. Positive thoughts, loving actions and self-acceptance lead to physical health and natural well-being. So, why buy into something which will make you unhappy?


For some reason, a lot of people dislike themselves. I think this comes from a culture of striving for perfection, trying to be the best, and ultimately realising that perfection is an unattainable ideal. People who are really happy and peaceful tend to accept imperfection and forgive themselves for past mistakes as they realise that it was vital to their growth and to making them stronger. The following list is from a book a friend of mine read and I think it is very useful for anyone struggling with self-acceptance…

1. self understanding – being as honest as possible with ourselves to understand why we think and act as we do and develop insight into our life situation.

2. self acceptance – accepting ourselves as we are.

3. self forgiveness – give up criticism of the self and forgive, no matter what.

4. self love – being our own best friend.

5. unconditional self love – a state where there is NO self judgement and NO self criticism.

6. awareness of our own divinity – realising we are an expression of God.

7. realising the magnitude of the great power (God) – this awareness grows as our consciousness expands.

8. realising we are beings of ‘light’ – no judgement of self or others.

9. realising the insignificance and unreality of the hypnotic suffering dimension – the suffering dimension is not real but a hypnotic state created by human thought and belief (i.e. we believe we are sinful, from beliefs of this or past lives and thus we must suffer to atone for our sins…. on a surface level we may not believe this, but dig deep…. is there something deeper that, motivated out of guilt, believes you need to suffer?)

10. realising everything is God – non duality. negative situations are not power but only the result of self judgemental beliefs and attitudes (past lives and this life).