The apologies you never got…

Human relationships are strange in that we don’t know how something we said or did stacks up in the universe. We don’t know the history-future-karmic stuff that relates to each thing. We don’t know what a comment we made meant to someone, nor a gesture.

But there are times with hindsight, when we can see that something felt unfair to us. Or in other situations, we reacted unfairly to someone. Unknown knowledge becomes a little more known, better understood. For instance, our boasting about our kids or our lifestyle could make someone feel uncomfortable or competitive, or we could feel judged as inferior by another person bragging to us.  In situations where such emotions get aroused, or reactions are created, there is usually a karmic string attached…necessary for our own growth of consciousness. We can go about trying to ‘put things right’, by manipulating what appears as our external, objective world, not realising that the objects are a secondary appearance.

If there is immediate need, most would respond to a situation without calculation or mental commentary. But if we are pondering the ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’, then the judgemental mind is further trapped into the karmic thread which created the situations in the first place. Often the thinking mind takes hold with strong force or habit, and there’s not much we can do. But the moment we realise this, is the moment of true ‘choice’, where we can become the observer of this play rather than the actor trapped in its template.

The work we do within is always forgiveness. Not as an excuse for harmful behaviour, but as a surrender and letting go, with the knowledge that we do not know the reasons. This is forgiveness towards the apologies we never got, and also the ones we did not utter.

The collapse of Beliefs

It seems so obvious that certain statements are true: that we are humans, that we are born, that we will die, and so many other things. But the most profound realisation that comes with awakening to reality is knowing that all beliefs are conditioning, and as such, all beliefs are false. This is because all beliefs exist in the realm of ideas, which may refer to something we experience, but they are not an experience in themselves. The idea that we are born is one fundamental belief that we cannot refer to in our experience: none of us knows the experience of being born as a reality. Can you find, in your self, the experience of your own beginning? Maybe we can recall being a child, but even then, that experience refers to an idea in the past which is not being experienced right now and is therefore in the realm of memory or imagination. The future is the same. What about beliefs and ideas in the present, such as ‘I am a man or woman.’ This belief is just as questionable as beliefs of past and future. The concept of gender, for instance, assumes an identity based on physical perceptions, but these perceptions are temporary and changeable and last only as long as we believe ourselves to be bodies. Are we bodies endowed with consciousness? Or are we consciousness having a temporary experience as a body? The idea that ‘I am a body with a gender or race’ is breakable. Every idea is breakable.

When belief collapses, reality begins. It doesn’t begin in time, but flowers in a timeless moment, for time is just another belief along the illusory past-present-future continuum. Time has never been experienced by anyone except as an idea in our minds. The things we demand from time are projections of our thoughts. The ever so complex interplay of form, manifestation and time is not so much our experience but our beliefs being taken for experience. What do we experience without beliefs? Emotions are the residues of decades of beliefs imprinting themselves on our physical perceptions. Without a belief in an enemy, there would be no emotion of anger or revenge. So when wiped clean of beliefs, what is left of thoughts and emotions? Nothing.

In this space of nothingness, reality is experienced. This is the letting-go we are practising: unlearning the conditioning of being born a human.