Flowology’s Weblog

Our species has a real problem with sexual relationships. Other animals seem not to have this issue. They just do it with whomever they want and they deal with the consequences however they like; they go with instinct and their instincts more or less follow the pattern of nature.

But we, on the other hand, have this thing called a ‘developed’ mind, which creates all kinds of issues. For instance, attraction is instinctive, but there are so many considerations that we can’t follow through with just instinct. If you are committed, you STILL get attracted to other people but you pretend not to. You try not to act on it. This is because our society needs stable units (couples, family) for order. That’s why we’ve created a sense of possessiveness over our partners and religions with crazy commandments. So, that’s probably why 50% of couples have affairs and the divorce rate is rising (you have to hide your instincts, but you can’t hide your affair forever). Those people who are NOT having affairs are probably past being repressed and have reached a state of true contentment; these people are few and far between.

It’s really a lot to do with sex. We love sex because we love feeling desired and forgetting our limited realities. There’s nothing wrong with that unless it becomes an addiction. It’s ok if we do it, but we can’t tolerate our partners being attracted to someone else. This is pure ego; our little self feels threatened. Also, we need to keep a false sense of order in society by thinking that ‘free sex’ with result in STDs spreading like wildfire; this is an important consideration, but will making things TABOO actually stop them happening? More likely, those instincts will STILL manifest but in a worse way, because they happen out of desperation and guilt. In a society of open education and informed freedom with regard to sexual relations, there are likely to be fewer negative consequences.

So, I think we should all just chill out about sexual relationships, be honest, open and informed. Two consenting adults who engage in a relationship that is non-possessive are more likely to be independent and fulfilled rather than desperate and needy.

Have you ever desired someone and that person desired you back, but everything in the universe prevented you from being together? This is the exact situation one of my close friends is in. She has a special connection with a man, who wants her just as much, but it’s impossible. The reason why it’s impossible? They were both already in loving relationships before they met each other and couldn’t leave their spouses just like that. They have good marriages. They are also from completely different backgrounds and live on opposite sides of the globe.

So, you’re probably wondering how they got to know each other… Well, they met at a work conference and got talking. My friend, let’s call her Tina, said that James was on the exact same wavelength as her and they fell into a deep conversation. They both clicked with their partners in an ‘opposites attract’ sort of way, but with each other, it was like they were the one mind in two bodies. They were working in the same location for a while, and kept meeting at work functions. Eventually, the truth came out. But they could do nothing about it. Now they are living miles apart, but whenever they speak, the potential of that connection still hits them.

They saw each other recently and things got pretty heavy. They almost spent the night together but somehow managed to avoid it. Sometimes when he speaks to her, he tells her how much he wants her, craves her. Most of the time, they avoid talking about their feelings. Why are they still in touch? They share a way of seeing the world which is very special and it keeps them connected, but the desire part makes it impossible.

When I ask her if she would ever act on this desire, she affirmatively says no. But it’s very likely, that without intentionally meaning to do anything, she could get lost in the moment. I really don’t know how to help her. Is this something she can accept and deal with it if she doesn’t think about it too much? I hope so. She is a good person who loves her life, it’s just this connection which she finds overwhelming.

I wonder if the universe is trying to tell her something by putting her in this situation. Maybe that love is universal and cannot be exclusive? Before she met James, Tina always said she couldn’t even think about another man in the same way as her husband. She was so adamant about true love being an exclusive phenomenon. And she still adores her husband, but also has some feeling for another person.

Sometimes I think that life is a funny game where you end up getting more than you gambled for, but it causes you a bit of heartache if you don’t know how to handle it.