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Jhumpa Lahiri’s novel, The Namesake, has been appreciated by desis (Indians) and non-desis alike, to the extent that it has been made into a film in India and appreciated worldwide. The book deals with the cultural situation of first generation and second generation Indians in foreign countries, in this case America. I am in a bit of a strange situation when it comes to cultural categories, as I am neither a first nor a second generation Indian… I am somewhere in between, having been born in India and having grown up in the west (something like a 1.5 generation migrant). Stranger still is the fact that, after living in England, making friends there, graduating from college there, getting married there and having a home there, I have revisited my motherland after all these years. My partner and I are currently working in India for a couple of years… My husband is in the second generation migrant category, and we speak to each other in English (with British accents), he watches the football, we eat a mixture of western and Indian food at home, we don’t practise the Hindu rituals our parents practise and we wear mostly western clothes. So, that’s my situation as I begin reading The Namesake…

The book begins with an account of a Bengali couple’s journey to the USA, the wife’s (Ashima’s) sense of alienation as she learns to accept her distance from her family, the lack of authentic Indian food, the cold climate and the sense of being different from those around her. The couple have two children, Gogol and Sonia. The story centres around Gogol’s experience. He hates his name, which was given to him as a pet name but which stuck as his ‘outside’ name. He does not initially know that his father gave him this name because he had been reading a book by Nikolai Gogol when he experienced a serious train accident; waving the book from below the wreckage was the act that allowed him to be seen and rescued. Gogol later changes his name to Nikhil, a name his father had wanted him to adopt for school, but which he had not liked as an infant. The act of naming becomes integral to the book’s exploration of cultural identity. Unlike his mother, Gogol embraces Amercian culture effortlessly, to the extent that he dismisses and discards his Indian identity. He has premarital relationships, goes out with friends and only engages with the rituals of his childhood - of speaking Bengali, attending ‘pujos’ and eating mostly Indian food - when he visits his parents. He visits his parents less and less as he grows independent, preferring his separation from them. This is until his father dies suddenly, when his perspective begins to change. As if in retaliation to his ‘foreignness’ from his parents and from his white American friends, he marries an American-Bengali like himself. But the marriage fails because the couple cannot maintain a sense of connection with each other; Gogol’s wife begins an affair with a man who has the same intellectual interests as her, and Gogol eventually finds out.

The book ends at the point Ashima, Gogol’s mother, is about to return to India to enjoy her retirement. She plans to divide her remaining time between India and America. Sonia is about to get married to an American man who Ashima knows will make her daughter happy. The story is simple but deeply moving, showing the struggle of those who start a life in a foreign country whilst being unable to fully let go of their own cultures and customs. It also shows the more subtle pain of the second generation immigrant, who feels divided between two identities.

What struck me most about the book was that things I thought were specific to my own experience of growing up are actually typical migrant experiences. Such as the loud Indian get-togethers Gogol’s parents have, and his mother’s fussing. It seems to me that the book is ultimately trying to say that however important culture may be in shaping our experiences, it is not the thing which makes us who we are inside. Gogol and his Indian wife have the same cultural experience, but their personalities do not complement. Ashima builds her life around her Bengali community, but when she grows older she realises that America has also become her home, and she cares about her American friends at the library where she works.

The saddest thing about the book is that it is a reminder of cultural fragmentation. People living far from their families and friends in pursuit of new opportunities. But in such a global situation, it becomes even more important to stay connected with loved ones and to be open to unlikely friendships.

Unconditional love means to love someone regardless of their actions, words or behaviour. You love them no matter what. Usually we love people based on qualities they display or what they give us. We become strongly attached to people for various reasons and we call that love.

I think that saints (very deeply spiritual people who have come close to God) have the ability to see God in everyone. They can practise universal unconditional love. But for the ordinary human being, unconditional love is also possible. This type of unconditional love is not universally applied because we cannot see that deeply. It is a specific, contextualised love which comes from knowing a person through and through. We develop unconditional love for someone whom we feel very closely connected to.

It’s the way a mother feels towards her child. A couple may reach this place of unconditional love over time. This type of genuine, accepting, forgiving, embracing love is totally contrary to the illusionary romantic love we see in films. That kind of love is more about the ego, or what we want to get from another person. Unconditional love is selfless, but still strong and assertive. It reaches out to the other person. It has courage, stability and faith. Even if someone thinks that they are ‘unworthy’ of love for various things they have done, crimes they may have committed, through the eyes of unconditional love, that person has the ability to redeem themselves.

Gautama Siddhartha was clearly an extremely intelligent man. But his intelligence came from an observation of very simple things, those very things that we take for granted or dismiss. How much do we recognise the fundamental facts upon which the Buddha based all of his teachings? The Buddha based his teachings on his observation of life, decay and death. He said that all of life is ‘dukkha’, which means restlessness (not really suffering, more fluctuation). He said that by being awake to this fact, a person can still their mind, detach from fluctuations, and reach a state of total freedom from karma (the state known as nirvana). After this, a person would be liberated from reincarnation (they would achieve moksha). He did not mention the role of God in all this, or how the universe came to be. He very wisely detached himself from metaphysical conjecture, explaining that the truth can only be felt, not logically understood or explained.

I often compare the teachings of great sages in order to find the common thread of meaning running through each of their philosophies. Jesus Christ spoke the scripture of love - ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’ and, instead of the Old Testament’s ‘eye for an eye’, learn to ‘turn the other cheek’… In the Gita, Lord Krishna tells Arjun to see all things as equal: pleasure, pain, life, death…

What is the common thread? The stories are very different, and the focus keeps shifting. But overall, it seems like they are all saying that we should take a step back from the drama of life and see how everything is actually linked. Everything that appears foreign, contradictory, separate, is all actually made from the same energy, like intricately woven tapestry. Your enemy is not your opposition, he is your brother; pain and pleasure are not separate, they are linked. The only way you can see this, know it and really feel it is if you take a step back. Look at the whole picture. When you are amidst chaos, go up onto the roof of a tall building and look down. You will see an interdependent web of life. Your perspective changes when you zoom out of the drama.

If you are reading this blog, then you are probably already aware of how interdependent we are, but clearly the world at large is not aware of this. Otherwise, we would not sabotage each other’s countries, beliefs, cultures. We get so wrapped up in our own drama that we begin to think only our experience is authentic or valid. But our experience is nothing without the contribution of countless others. How can we detach from ourselves enough to really appreciate the magnanimous beauty of life, of ‘interdependent arising’? We could try doing what Gandhi did… ‘Every night when I go to sleep, I die. And in the morning when I awake, I am reborn.’

According to Zen Buddhism, there is a little bird on each of our shoulders. It reminds us of the coming of death. It tells us that death is inevitable, and unpredictable. This could be the last day of life as we know it. The purpose of this imaginary companion, the bird on our shoulders, is to make sure we NEVER lose sight of death.

Most people think death equals loss, sorrow, ending. That’s probably why we do our best to ignore the most inevitable fact of our lives: the fact that we will, without a doubt, face physical death sooner or later. But how many of us are living with this awareness? On one level we behave as though we will live forever, putting off the things that matter: love, peace, creativity, joy. We think we have plenty of time to find those things. On the other hand, we chase temporary things like they are running out, such as cars, clothes, shoes, bigger houses. We know that we won’t be able to take those things with us when we have to leave this life, yet those are the things that occupy us. All because we have forgotten about the fact of death. We ignore the elderly, thinking they are of no use, when they are the people who have the most knowledge in our society, because they have seen the most life. Our society is so caught up with temporary success, which is obvious to the eye, that we dismiss eternal success, which exists within and acts as our saving grace in moments of crisis.

So, today I am going to make a vow to myself to remember death whilst being alive. To love fully, show my gratitude and appreciation for the life I have, and to share as much joy as possible in the time I have. I don’t believe that death will be the end - I believe it will be the beginning…of something else. Yet, I will miss the life I have now, and I will miss the people I have loved until the time I see them again, perhaps in a different life. The only thing that will help me let go and detach from this life is if I know that I lived it to the full, and shared with the people around me. I won’t be thinking about the shoes I just bought; I won’t give a damn about those. I’ll see the faces of my dear ones, and I’ll be thankful for the time I had with them, because that time was not misspent.

More than anything else, life is about relationships. Learning from each other and sharing. Community and companionship. As much as I enjoy my time alone - thinking, writing, reading, contemplating - it can never be a substitute for what I experience in the presence of love, friendship, caring, conversation and laughter. Those are the things I want to dedicate myself to before my time comes.

So, why not thank the little bird for another day? Even though I don’t understand exactly how this world works, even though I sometimes find it overwhelming and crazy, I am still glad to be alive. All because of love.

Going on the idea that thoughts create reality, or ‘whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he reap’, we can assume that the way our external reality is right now is, to some degree, a reflection of our minds. If you have a passion for reading, your living space will be full of books; if you love animals, you might have pets or work as a veterinary surgeon.

Based on this idea, we can look at everything around us in order to understand our own tendencies or thought patterns. Look at the fruits around you and you will see what kinds of seeds you planted (this may not have been the case 100% of the time, as other forces do influence our lives too, but I think we can say that, once we become adults,  we are the main creators in our lives to a large extent).

So, what kinds of seeds did you plant? Was it education, love, family? Or was it work, money, competition? Whatever it was, are you happy with that? If you are, then you don’t need to make any drastic changes within. But if you don’t like what is around you, then you can do something about it: change the way you think. Believe in yourself to create a different kind of life, believe that you are on the way and that you love your life. It will come.

Embrace it, approve of it, adore it, accept it.  Find inspiration in your life, the way you find inspiration in the eyes of your beloved. Treat it with reverence and respect it.

Don’t throw it away, don’t abuse it, don’t waste it or neglect it.

Dedicate yourself to it. And when you have begun to truly love your life, then offer it as a service to the world so that everyone else can be as happy as you are.

We are all responsible for the way our world is today. One-off gestures don’t make a difference; we have to change our attitudes. The transformation must begin at the individual level, and filter out like a ripple across a lake. Serve the world with love and knowledge; it’s our responsibility to uplift ourselves and our world.

I don’t watch a lot of TV. Every once in a while, when I tune into ‘what’s on’, I am strangely drawn to the genre now popularly referred to as ‘reality television’. I can’t explain why I find this genre interesting (programs like ‘Big Brother’ or ‘Spendaholics’ don’t really seem to have much of a story-line); I guess I watch them because I want to fully understand our own society. Human nature is a curious thing. I also enjoy watching documentaries, but whilst documentaries are logical, informative and carefully structured, reality shows tend to be unstructured and somewhat spontaneous.

The themes of most reality shows focus on obsessions, materialism or image concerns. ‘Wifeswap’ is one which looks at lifestyles and beliefs. Most of these programs highlight the neuroses of our culture, and by bringing it to our attention, they really emphasise the kind of beliefs we are buying into. Beliefs influence thoughts (attitudes), words, actions, and hence contribute to the way our society is. We are buying into ideas which make us feel unhappy. The statements below express some of these poisonous ideas:

-”I simply have to have those new shoes.”

-”If I don’t buy my kids everything they want, then they’ll think I don’t love them.”

-”I want to make my face look like Halle Berry’s / Gwyneth Paltro’s / Brad Pitt’s.”

-”When I’m skinny then I’ll be happy.”

These statements endorse the idea that a person needs something external in order to achieve something internally. But it works THE OTHER WAY. When you achieve the right things internally, it benefits you externally, too. Positive thoughts, loving actions and self-acceptance lead to physical health and natural well-being. So, why buy into something which will make you unhappy?

Sex may be a biological function, but it also creates a feeling of union, of merging. The energies of two individuated beings come together - there is a momentary feeling of bliss in this union. The biological sex drive is probably more psychological than anything else - how much does a person crave the kind of intimacy which lets them feel at one with another person? Some people are very balanced and don’t need it much. Others are repressed and need it so much that their desires become perverted with desperation.

Sex is supposed to be a doorway into the spiritual, but in our world it is rarely more than the urge to satisfy a need. We have created a sexually repressed society. John Milton described Adam and Eve having plenty of sex in Eden, before the Fall. There was no guilt or shame, just spiritual union through the physical body. After the Fall, they became so conscious of each other’s bodies that they lost sight of the soul. They still wanted that intimacy but they didn’t know how to reach it. They tried various things, but nothing worked because the vision had been lost.I don’t believe in any particular religious doctrine, but I do think that we are living in a time where our vision has been lost. This is affecting every area of our lives, including relationships and sex. At some point, I hope, we will awaken to our true selves.

Below is an excerpt from an essay I wrote a few months ago…

Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world.’ If you want to live in a peaceful and loving environment, then be an embodiment of peace and love and give those qualities out to the world. The fastest way of bringing something back to yourself is to give it out.

It’s easier said than done. Half of us don’t even realize this basic law, that whatever you give out comes back to you. The other half of us recognize this, but we fail to follow it because anger, guilt, shame and hate have become habit for us.

I used to be a very angry person, feeling wronged by society and hurt by people who should have loved and protected me. But, since I started meditating and delving further into revelations coming from mystical awareness, I realized that there was a big puzzle of actions and consequences, and I was one small piece in that puzzle. All the wrongs in this world were a result of ignorance, and only knowledge can dispel ignorance. And knowledge cannot be forced. It comes.

If you would like to read the whole essay, click here.